Commenters We Love: Paranoid Rambling Subaru Guy!

I first started noticing him after he deemed my Escort a “satanic killer”—–which I got such a kick out of that I renamed it “The Deathscort” on my ride page. In the weeks that followed, the CarDomain editorial team began to notice a pattern emerging in the blog comments, a whole series of distinctively quasi-coherent rants–—almost always anonymous, and almost always making reference to the writer’s dream car: a mid-80′s Subaru. That’s how we became acquainted with Paranoid Rambling Subaru Guy. We imagine him as a reclusive mountain man living deep in the woods, wrenching on his vintage Subes and biting his fingernails and muttering to himself. Click beyond the jump for a journey into the weird, upside-down world of Paranoid Rambling Subaru Guy.

He always makes us smile, especially when he says things like this:

At the rate I am going.. I will emerge from the wilderness with a car that truly survived with a beard and hair down to my knees just to tell this whole retarded pansy ass automotive self righteous greed world killing, car killing, people killing, MAN killoing, existing for the 5 billionares at the top off again and pretend I am crazy. Although maybe becoming a truckdriver in finalnd for the 16 liter v8 scania is worth a haircut.,..nah. I love the usa.I didn’t end up a homeless veteran for nothing

He’s a pretty savvy and experienced gearhead, though he’s also prone to wild claims about the boxer engine and the structural integrity of vintage Japanese tin that our other commenters are quick to (sometimes a little unkindly) refute:

being the rest of the world is upside down in comparison to my locale. The honda crx never got even close to 50mpg, and it barely fit one person going to highschool with all 3 books. ridiculous.The real champ is The gov’t written 18mpg (what a frickin joke) was actually 36 nominal in all weather, and into the real 40s and 50s mpg: the 3 main subaru boxer engine. Not only that, I have personally slammed a deer so hard at 65mph I ducked and said my last words.. because I knew it was over in such a “little” car to look up and still not only be on the road, but find a piece of trim missing as onbly injury. I am done with the BS. The gov’t is owned by marketing. Oh and the crab is what did the real 50s mpg. Go figure, another anti-fuel injection story of real life.

And, frankly, it’s not always easy to tell what he’s talking about:

Furthermore, i never got so much “secretive flawless” support as pay pal dished out when a real scam happened (just once..). It is a first, and getting beaten the most, of course, and will not hesitate to stick by it. Craigslist could host a fresh robbery afer a murder and no one would catch on…

Now, though he (almost) never signs a them, we can recognize his heated, tangential musings almost instantly: halfway into the first sentence, one of us will say, “Hey look, it’s Paranoid Rambling Subaru Guy!” Sure, he has a CarDomain member ID and a couple of ride pages, but out of respect for his paranoia we will refrain from linking to them here. Suffice it to say that he makes our days a little brighter and assures us that while we all have our problems, at least we’re not wrapping tin foil around our heads to keep the government out. Anyway, we’re pretty sure he said this:

The blogs are great. I yell whenever I don’t feel like it. I love it.

And we love you, Paranoid Rambling Subaru Guy. Don’t ever change!