This Just In: New on the Net

It’s always heartbreaking when a young person dies during a tragic eating contest accident. But really, isn’t it actually more funny than it is heartbreaking? I mean, I can’t be the only one that the thinks the words "eating" and "contest" look hilarious next to each other. Well, at least Chen Chun-ing died doing something he loved, or at least biologically needed to do, albeit at a slower pace. Anyway, here’s the news:

• It has begun. As of today, Porsche owns 43% of Volkswagen, and Stuttgart isn’t even done yet. The company is planning to increase its ownership to a you-do-what-we-tell-you-to-do 75%, provided the bottom doesn’t fall out of the entire world economy. Detroit News
• The latest casualty of America’s economic woes is Alfa Romeo. Citing the current unpleasantness, the company has pushed back its return to our shores to 2011. Hopefully, we’ll be back on track by then. Motor Authority
• Here’s a headline that’s just too good to mess with: "Man Drives Drunk to Protest Drunk Driving Charge." Remember, if you find yourself in a hole, the first thing you should do is stop digging. Reuters
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• According to Bob Lutz, the General’s board never talks about bankruptcy, which is comforting. But you know the other thing it never talks about? That elephant that always sits behind Mr. Lutz’s chair. Freep