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October 9, 2009

I Want These Four Beaters

Katakuna

I’ve been on CarDomain for nearly two years now, and in that time I’ve seen some of the most amazing custom cars you can imagine. Camaros, Cobras, Vipers, Chevelles, Cadillacs, all of those you’d expect me to mention, right? Those kinds of cars are the kind you’re expected to fawn over at a show. Me, I love ‘em all, but deep inside is the feeling that the winter beaters we reserve for most of our abuse deserves more respect than any show car trailer queen.

With that said, some of us feel that some beaters are more fun to, well, beat on. They last through it all without a complaint, some need a fix here and there, and some just can’t handle our bad driving and completely drop an engine (for the record, that’s happened to me once). What I’ve done is compiled a list of five beaters that I’d love to have, for the simple purpose of running ‘em until they die:

1. 1992-1998 Geo Metro- 3 cylinder

When I first noticed these cars, I absolutely abhorred their weak engines and their odd styling. Over the last month they’ve grown on me, and now I realize the charm that these little runts have. It’s like it takes hold of your imagination. You hate it, but then again the utter joy of beating the piss out of it is equal to that of, say, a Porsche 911 Turbo at Laguna Seca? I can’t for the life of me think of a way to make it look cool, I do know that window tint would be in order for the simple fact that no matter how much fun it is to ride it like Fergie, it’s still embarrassing to be seen in one. After all, not everyone will see it my way, which, in my opinion, is just another reason that I enjoy them.

Continue reading after the jump!

2. 1989 Toyota Camry LE station wagon

This car takes some getting used to, especially if you go from a world-renowned sports car to a lowly, butt-ugly station wagon. It was a comfy, had every possible option aside from the V6, and everything worked. It definitely had a mind of its own as it sometimes wouldn’t start unless I punched the alternator, would get raving mad and lock its occupants inside, but through it all, never failed to get us where we needed to go. The power steering pump leaked so badly that I started buying motor oil for it instead of power steering fluid because it had a higher viscosity and didn’t leak as quickly. It got a brand spanking new exhaust system after a year or so, it sounded uncannily ballsy. It survived races with other wagons and high-speed drifts (I swear to god). It would’ve made a great redneck rally car, all I’d need is an All-Trac system and a manual, and it’d be good to go. I don’t miss it in the least, but it had potential.

3. 1991 Oldsmobile Cutlass Cruiser (AKA the “Shaggin’ Wagon”)

This particular beater is currently MIA, missing since my brother had a little mishap that involved speeds of well into triple-digits, a two-lane draw bridge, a Buick Century, the Kentucky River and the cops. He made that car locally famous after that incident, as wherever that car went, they knew who’s it was. I never liked it much, though. Ever since it went missing, it became somewhat of a legend, a folk tale of sorts. Not much else is known about this car.

4. 1988 Oldsmobile Delta 88 Royale

Out of all the beaters I’ve mentioned, this one takes the cake and runs away laughing. Being an ’88 model, it was offered with the old, crappy, underpowered 3.8, but thankfully it’s far enough along in the model year that it has the undeniably awesome 3800 series 1. It pays to be lazy, because this baby sports a custom straight-piped exhaust with no mufflers, talk about loud. This car is a definite sleeper; you’d never see it coming. It’s big, full-efficient (it got almost thirty mpg on the highway), fast, it’s the perfect car.

It isn’t hard to understand that the workhorse deserves the best praise. They’re overworked and underappreciated, abused and beaten, but isn’t that their only purpose?

Permalink:

Posted at 2:24 am in Camry, Cutlass, Delta 88, Geo, Metro, Oldsmobile, Toyota

Comments

Katakuna
Oct 13, 2009 at 12:13 pm

Normally, I wouldn’t glorify a comment such as yours with a response, but you’re so blatantly ignorant about the subject that it’s necessary: The main purpose of ANY car is basic utility and transportation. They were built to be comfortable, fuel-efficient cars that look just fine. Don’t go assuming that when someone doesn’t buy a huge-ass Cadillac or a Bentley or a Lamborghini that they care about nothing more than getting somewhere. After all, Mr. Small-Penis, there is such a thing as modesty.
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Furthermore, if people didn’t care what their car looked like or how fast it was, we’d all drive cartoonish-looking boxes. Your idea of putrid filth might just be another’s dream car, and vice-versa.
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I already expect another thoughtless response, so save your energy and direct it towards something that really matters, like feeding the hungry.
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As for everyone else, I lied about there being a draw bridge, it’s actually a bridge with a huge hump in the middle, so you can catch air easily if you’re going the speed my brother was. Exit the bridge at over a hundred miles per hour, and you’ll catch air just from bouncing at the bottom.

4Motion4g63t
Oct 12, 2009 at 3:40 pm

Why would anyone care about those Fugly ass beaters…

They were all purpose built for people that care nothing about cars except for transportation, maybe utility .. I cant find a place in the world for lame excuse of automotive design..

I give them NO respect And rightly so.. Why would you even look at these cars for anything, when there are such a VAST amount of automotive gems out there…

I say CRUSH all these Putrid Examples of auto filth…

Cavalier2200sfi
Oct 12, 2009 at 5:59 am

the first car i had was a 1996 Mazda Protege, it was a complete hunk of shit, thus i gave not one care of how and where i drove it. I bought it for $1200 with a mint body, new paint, 299,995km, and was bought brand new by a woman that had just retired who drove it over 100km of highway each way 5 days a week. The car ran incredibly well. Though after the winter i had it the body started to go on it, the muffler had such a gaping hole in it from smashing it off a rock it sounded like a fart can. The car i have now, though not seen to be a fancy car, i can’t beat the shit out of it the way i did with my mazda, i miss that little bubble a bit, though it’s factory 91hp was little, now add the 327,000km on it when i sold it it wasn’t exactly fast. but it was a lot of fun. I’ve got a few stories of it on my page, check them out if you want

team5150
Oct 11, 2009 at 11:38 pm

Great story, but I only count 4. What happened to number 5?

10secondsflat
Oct 11, 2009 at 10:24 pm

i know a guy who had a 93 buick regal. with the 3.8v6. car went like hell and took every single thing we threw at it. we climbed sand pits with that thing. it had been airbourne once or twice. survived bumper tag with an old civic i owned. 8000kms he put on that car and not once did he check a single fluid level on that car. we got a good idea to cut a sunroof into it with a reciprecator saw. then shortly afterwards the starter went in it. so he hauled it to an auto wreckers. my point is, that car was tough as hell. it lasted longer than vehicles ive owned and respected and put money into.

burning_desire
Oct 11, 2009 at 11:49 am

One word, SUBARU! I love those ugly little basturds! AWD, 5 speed with the 2.2……..I wish I could find one!

willschevys10
Oct 11, 2009 at 12:05 am

hahahaha dude my first car was that toyota camry wagon! only difference was mine was a 90 and yea it was butt ugly but dude it was paid off, power everything, and probably did better that any car on the road in the winter. i had so much damn fun driftin that thing wow! respect the beaters!

TooFastTodd
Oct 10, 2009 at 6:59 pm

I could put this in the back of my truck for a spare.

bigbad4runner
Oct 10, 2009 at 5:18 pm

i had an ’89 s-10 2.8 5spd with 326,000mi on the odometer and a leaking rear main so bad you had to put a quart of oil in every time you put gas in. i live in north carolina and the biker i bought it from left the hat pins in it from his many years of going to sturgis south dakota for authenticity. i eventually came to trade it for an 84 caprice wagon and the guy who got the s-10 fixed the seal and put tires on it and still drives it today, and that was agood 5 years ago. the caprice only had 87,ooo on it and blew up 6 or so months down the road lol who got the better deal?

ghardy27
Oct 10, 2009 at 10:29 am

i owned a cutlass cruiser with 250 000km and i loved it, exept the whole floor was falling. fully equipped, 3,3L that thing was pretty fast too…

matty_17
Oct 10, 2009 at 9:05 am

my fathers 1996 Oldsmobile 98 elite, big old boat! ugly as sin, rides like a cloud, seats 6 with extraordinary comfort, more power options then you could ever imagine, with all sorts of buttons to play with! (who doesn’t love buttons!), a 3800 series II, and the fuel mileage monitoring system has calculated around 34-35 mpg on highway trips, getting around 28-30 on regular daily driving. My current car (toyota paseo) gets about 36-39 mpg daily driving and I don’t got near the space, power, luxury options, or comfort my dad’s boat has!

GREAT OLD BEATER!

PureBusiness
Oct 10, 2009 at 7:37 am

I swear, not but an hour after reading about your blue Geo yesterday, while on my way to work ,I see it’s twin.It kinda spooked me,cause this is 2009 and those cars are not generally as well loved(Its condition)as yours is!

1_eyed_bob
Oct 10, 2009 at 7:22 am

Old-school Toyota Tercel. Dont know the year but my buddy used to have a 2 door white one that we would bring back from the woods.. well we will just say it wasnt white anymore. Plus, FWD and an E-brake in a car nobody cares about is a bad equation for the car. I cant remember how many times the revlimiter (or valve float) caused that engine some serious damage on a lunch break a fall day. All I know is that a few days later I got a call, “hey, I blew the motor in the Tercel.” YES! He didnt blame it on me. Woot!

Hotboysb08
Oct 9, 2009 at 11:59 pm

died*

Hotboysb08
Oct 9, 2009 at 11:59 pm

I had a 1991 pontiac grand prix that dies at 275,000 mi(the page is on here), and I have a 1998 plymouth neon that still runs with 207,000+mi on it.

Alex Vickers
Oct 9, 2009 at 7:26 pm

A friend of mine has a 1991 Rodeo with a 5-speed and 4X4, and 278,000 miles on the odometer. It hasn’t seen an easy day in almost a decade and I don’t see why it wouldn’t make it to 300k without any major issues. The one bad thing I’d say about it is it goes through driver doors so often that he’s started using a dead-bolt to keep it shut. Otherwise no problems that you wouldn’t expect with its mileage and age.
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Oh, it’s only got 120 hp, it doesn’t have the 175 hp Honda engine. I feel bad for anyone that buys a 4-cylinder model of these things.

glhs0075
Oct 9, 2009 at 6:17 pm

I love beaters! I thought I was alone.
Some of my favourites over the years:
1994 Isuzu Rodeo- Solid, well built truck. Nice ride for a 4X4 and always feels in control, even when the back end is loosing traction.

1986 Daytona Turbo Z- I just got it and have yet to iron out all the electrical bugs, but I can tell already that I will enjoy beating on this daily ride.

1969 Coronet 500- 318 2V, 2 door hardtop, not pretty to look at, but indestructable. Drove it during my college years through a really cold Canadian winter. It had no heat and would refuse to start at
-10C unless the block heater was plugged in. Plug the block heater in and it was guaranteed to start at -40C!

1980 Honda Prelude- This one is iffy on the list. It was fun to drive when it ran, but kept going through starter motors. I bought it from my sister who had no problems with it. I sold it to my Dad who had no problems with it. So I guess it was just me. Car met a premature end in an accident.

thegarbear05
Oct 9, 2009 at 3:29 pm

should make a top ten or twenty countdown of beaters

thrasher86
Oct 9, 2009 at 11:28 am

festiva for sale beaters all day.

IH-international
Oct 9, 2009 at 8:53 am

beaters are awesome

BoltZ22
Oct 9, 2009 at 7:45 am

I’ve actually been looking at getting a Geo for a beater/commuter to work.

PureBusiness
Oct 9, 2009 at 6:06 am

I can just hear it now,`Your going to famous someday kid,and it’s going to start with this 1991 Oldsmobile Cutlass Cruiser.ahaha,too cool!

troutster52
Oct 9, 2009 at 5:37 am

I love a good beater. I feel the best beaters are RWD so in addition to running them to death, you can do some fun stuff with them in their final days.

FordRulesAll
Oct 9, 2009 at 4:46 am

My dad had a Geo a while back, I would not ride in it for the life of me. The noise it makes, makes it seem as though you were going fast until traffic whipped by and you look at the speedometer and see your still 10MPH under the limit. Never again.