This weekend was not anywhere near long enough. I’m on my third NOS, and I can still barely keep my eyes open. Next weekend, I’m not going partying. At all. Here’s the news:

• Rolls-Royce has just released the first official pics of its new coupe, and it looks gorgeous. But why did they stick all those glow in the dark stars on the headliner? Auto Express
• Jag looks like it’s off to a good start with the new XF. The car won’t even be available until March 10th, but the company already has 10,000 orders. I can’t wait to catch one of these big cats in the wild. AutoWeek
• Porsche is recalling 19,000 of its Cayenne SUVs because of the fuel line can apparently make contact with the engine block. That doesn’t sound good. Detroit News
• How much would you pay to be number one? Because Saeed Khouri paid 14 million for the right to have the UAE’s "1" license plate. Yup, that makes sense. Yahoo News

Yup, someone made the Cayanne even uglier! Now, the guys over at Porsche did their best to make the Cayanne hideous straight out of the box, and in my opinion, they did a great job. It’s even more awful than regular Porsches! But once the sickos of Stuttgart have a look at this Russian masterpiece, I think they’ll be scrambling back to the drawing board. Where do you even start with this thing? I mean, the grill alone makes me want to claw my eyes out, and I’m going to have a whole bunch of lunch beers to forget about the back. Yuck. While this is probably the horrid Porsche on the planet, something tells me the Panamera will make this monster look like Mila Jovovich.

Personally, I think you’re just asking for trouble if you advertise illegal activity on your vehicle. Remember this Onion article? There’s totally a grain of truth to it. So there’s no way I’d be caught driving this pot-themed Porsche—or any Porsche, really—around Seattle. But the rules must be different in Russia. Just check out the mellow mood of this Cayenne! I particularly like the badging on the tailgate, and the windows look to be dark enough for, um, privacy, but I have to admit that the Rainbow Brite-styled interior really harshes my buzz.

These Ferrari SUV rumors will not go away. I hope they’re just rumors. The Lambo LM002 was kind of cool, but I don’t think the world needs another Cayenne. In fact, I don’t think the world needs any Cayennes. More at Auto Express.

Do you think Ferrari should be building SUVs?

Actor Orlando Bloom set off a minor flap after colliding with a parked Porsche Cayenne in his borrowed Toyota Matrix early this morning. The actor, whose credits include such film franchises as Pirates of the Caribbean and The Lord of the Rings, was allegedly cut off by a pursuing paparazzi vehicle, precipitating the crash. Bloom got out of the Matrix in a daze and began to walk away from the accident scene, leaving one of his two female pals bleeding in the car, until photographers urged him to return. Thing is, Bloom had been acting strangely all night: shortly before the accident, he was filmed jumping into the passenger seat of some total stranger’s car and picking a fight with the driver over his wife. Though Bloom didn’t receive a blood test at the time of the accident, police insist he wasn’t under the influence. Do you think you would get off this easy after running into a Porsche? Or do you feel this was just a basically forgivable fender-bender?

Russian traffic maybe terrible, but if it yields to emergency vehicles, these firefighters shouldn’t have any issues getting wherever they’re going in a jiffy. English Russia doesn’t have any specifics as to exactly how this Moscow fire company came to be in possession of a Porsche Cayenne, but it looks like it’s up to the task. Just check out the sweet slide-out tray for all the gear!