By Ron Honig

WaytooFurious

My friend Dale sent me this photo, which was taken at a dealership in Melbourne. I just laughed myself silly, the sight of this car on bricks is just hilarious. Whoever did this took quite a chance because it looks like it could come down at any moment.

By David Clarke

highspeedhijinks

Where I live in upstate NY suburbia, auto theft rarely crosses my mind. I couldn’t tell you how many times this past winter that I’ve left my car running as I grabbed something quick from the convenience store on my way to work (to warm up the car before I start my commute, not ’cause I like to waste gas). I know for some of you, though, car theft is always on your mind when you walk away from your ride. The FBI “Uniform Crime Reports” for 2007 stated that a car is stolen in the U.S. every 28.8 seconds. That worked out to 363 cars stolen for every 100,000 that are on the road. They also noted that the worst cities were typically in year-round warm climates–San Diego CA, Larado TX, and Phoenix AZ made the top 10 with ease. There was some good news though: the theft rate dropped 8.1 percent from 2006 and 2007. One can only wonder what those statistics will look like for 2008-2009–considering the economic crisis it probably won’t look good. So I ask you, how would you rate the car theft in your area?

[polldaddy poll="1482052"]

Sunday, I’m flying to the Sunshine State to see my folks, so this will be the last New on the Net for a little while. I’ve lived in Seattle for over 12 years, but to me, nothing says Christmas like lights strung around a palm tree. Weird, I know. Anyway, here’s the news:

• It might seem silly that I’d make fun of someone for not being able to spell, as eagle-eyed readers have caught my blunders more than once. But if I was going to, say, get a tattoo or make a fake delivery truck to smuggle pot, I’d make sure everything was kosher. Special delivery indeed! Phoenix New Times
• I was pretty sure the auto bailout would get passed pretty quick, so I was a little surprised that the Senate killed it yesterday. In related news, the General has hired bankruptcy attorneys. Yikes. Detroit News
• Looks like Top Gear America won’t be on NBC after all. There was no real info on why the show is headed for cable, but I’d bet the Peacock’s dismal ratings have something to do with it. Top Gear
• When I first saw this concept, I actually thought it was another fancy Lamborghini lighter or something. As it turns out, it’s a double-decker bus concept, and it looks super dope. Yahoo.uk via Jalopnik

I basically gave up the comics page when Bill Watterson stopped drawing Calvin and Hobbes, but I still get a kick out of This Modern World and a couple of others. Until this morning, I hadn’t seen Scott Meyer’s Basic Instructions, and it’s pretty funny. Today’s installment is called "How to Have a Horrifying Conversation." Anyway, here’s the news:

• The heads of the Big Three are back in front of Congress today, and this time, they brought a plan, instead of just a big bag to haul the loot back to Detroit. But that doesn’t seem to matter much to the public. 61% of folks don’t want to help Detroit. CNN
• Generally, I like tend to like the shows on NBC—Medium is great—more than those on CBS or ABC, so I was surprised to learn it’s fairing so poorly in the ratings. So what does that have to do with cars? Well, it means Knight Rider’s future looks sketchy. LA Times
• Love it or hate it, Honda has been successful at just about everything it’s tried. But "just about everything" doesn’t mean "everything." It looks the company’s F1 team is on the block. GrandPrix 
• As far as excuses go, "God told me to do it" is pretty thin. So the idiot who rammed a San Antonio woman at 100MPH for "not driving like a Christian" should probably get busy coming up with something else. My San Antonio via Jalopnik

So, everybody knows that Coca-Cola was originally spiked with Bolivian marching powder—but 7-Up also had a secret ingredient! As it turns out, the company’s "Never had it, never will" slogan doesn’t apply to lithium. Today, lithium is used to treat bi-polar disorder, but back in the roaring ’20s, it was just a hangover cure. Damn, I knew I was born too late. Anyway, here’s the news:

• Honda has released images of the new Insight, and it looks very similar to the Prius, which means it’s hideous. So what’s the deal? Must hybrid cars be visually repellent to function? Is this why Tesla can’t seem to get its act together? Autoblog
• Yesterday, a Reno woman got wasted and hopped behind the wheel. Then she filled her tank and drove away with the pump’s nozzle dangling. The kicker? She mistook an ambulance for a police cruiser and pulled over. At least nobody got hurt. The Weekly Vice via Jalopnik
• With the Big Three begging for government loans and auto sales in the toilet, it’s easy to see Hummer as doomed. But while its fate seems certain, there’s a chance the Ruskies might save the beefy brand. Seriously, ever seen a Russian "road?" New York Times
• If somebody stole my moped—not that I’d ever own one—I guess I’d be pretty stoked if the thief tried to make right. Of course, I might be a little pissed if it took him 25 years. Reuters

Before you make any of the modifications recommended on this tutorial, you may want to check your local laws. Because I’m sure there are at least a couple of places where rigging AK-47s to your wipers or chaining grizzly bears to all sides of your vehicle might be frowned upon. But I’m pretty sure that stuff is legal in Texas. Check out six other suggestions over at Divisible By 0.

Some smartass in Germany has allegedly been foiling traffic cams by planting a human-sized Muppet in what’s supposed to be the driver’s seat, then speeding through camera-monitored areas. In order for a violation to stick in the German city of Bayreuth, traffic cams apparently have to capture the driver’s face as well as the car’s plate number. But since the Audi is a UK-registered right-hand-drive car, and the German traffic cams are set up to look for the driver on the left, Animal’s crazed and hairy visage mocks the police while enabling the driver to dodge the ticket. German cops are humorlessly chagrinned by the whole situation. A "German police source" sniffs, "The driver has been caught on camera on several occasions and the puppet is on the passenger seat every time. We suspect he positions the toy deliberately before accelerating past the camera." The story first surfaced in the UK’s Daily Star and should probably be taken with a whole shakerful of salt, but if it is true, here’s to hoping that Animal turns himself in before the long arm of the law catches up.

Source: Ari, via boingboing.

By Jen Dunnaway

Editor

There was a big hubbub at the track today about Helio Castroneves, tabloid-bait and former winner of both the Indy 500 and Dancing With The Stars, having run afoul of the IRS. He was arraigned today in federal court in Miami, where he tearfully pleaded not guilty to charges of concealing millions of dollars in income from the tax man. I didn’t chase down all the gossipy details, but apparently the media is banned from taking his photo at the track this weekend, crushing the lifelong ambitions of the aspiring paparazzi among us. According to the Examiner, Helio will still run in the Petit Le Mans tomorrow with Ryan Briscoe in the No. 5 Penske Porsche.

Check out the Amoco Ultimate Your Car Is Worth It Photo Contest. They’re giving away gas money on a weekly basis, and one Grand Prize Winner will get to go to France for 24 Hours Of Le Mans!

Unless you’re filthy rich or you don’t care about your driving record, you’re going to try to talk your way out of a traffic ticket when you get pulled over. Jalopnik posted an article on the subject, and while it’s pretty hilarious, I wonder how many of these tips would help you make any headway with a real-life cop. The standard pull-over advice involves keeping your hands in view on the steering wheel, removing suspicious sunglasses, minding your p’s and q’s, and so on—but hell, you know you’re going to need a serious whopper to set you apart from every other polite, law-abiding schmuck who gets run down. Read more…

Continue reading "Getting Out Of A Ticket: What Works For You?" »

When this 1957/58 Ferrari 250 GT Cabriolet was stolen in Spain in 1993, the Swiss owner refused the insurance settlement, reasoning that the car was so rare (one of just 40 built), it would pop up eventually. Well, he was right. The car recently surfaced in Connecticut, where it was being driving and entered in car shows by a man who paid $550,000 for it in 2000, and who claimed he did not know that car was stolen. Current value is estimated at $4 million, and needless to say, the ignorant guy in Connecticut isn’t getting his money back. Full story at Old Cars Weekly.